Mozina Announces Book Tour Diet


KALAMAZOO (QSP) — Today Andy Mozina announced the principles that will govern his diet on the upcoming book tour for his new story collection, QUALITY SNACKS.

“I’m focusing on lean proteins, vegetables, and an experimental line of synthetic foods based on the original formula for Hawaiian Punch.

“In my thinking and living, I try to combine the best of the natural world and the artificial world—and I think my diet does that,” Mozina explained.

Asked whether his diet announcement was aimed at countering one reviewer who called QUALITY SNACKS a “disgusting, junk-food-stuffed, crotch-grab of a book,” Mozina calmly responded: “I don’t know what you’re asking because I cannot comprehend negative thinking. Basically, I have no idea what you’re saying.”

Mozina also refused to reveal the name of the personal chef who will travel with him during the tour. The chef will accompany him to each event but will wear a mask and various prosthetics to conceal the chef’s identity. At critical moments, the chef will wear special oven mitts designed by Mozina.

“Kitchens are sometimes places of intense heat,” Mozina noted. “If you don’t have the right oven mitts, you’re asking for trouble.”

The two sides of the mitts are imprinted with images of the front and back covers of QUALITY SNACKS, which will be released May 1st.

By amozina

Author of the short story collections THE WOMEN WERE LEAVING THE MEN and QUALITY SNACKS and the novel CONTRARY MOTION.


  1. Is this serious? Are you really doing this? If so, your a pretty strange person. Not trying to judge anyone here, because god knows theres enough of that kind of thing going on on the internet already, but that’s some pretty messed up stuff if you ask me.

  2. Yes, it is all about balance. By balancing your dietary components, with natural and synthetic on the two trays of the scale, you are achieving nutritional neutrality, which will bring your body to peak function, as well as to a pH to envy. Kudos to you for ensuring that your chef is playing it safe.

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